The Shailesh-tival

I’ve been an Illini fan for 9 years. I’ve seen the Illini play at many other stadiums throughout the Big Ten. Strangely my worst experiences as an Illini fan have been at Illini home games. So today, I present you with:

Shailesh’s guide to being an Illini fan

• 1) Accuse other schools of things you do

  Any time the topic of the University of Michigan comes up, make sure you point out that the entire school is full of elitist jerks who think they’re better than everyone else.

  Then when somebody brings up the University of Iowa, make sure you point out that it’s a safety school for Chicago-land kids that are too dumb to get into Illinois.

  This brings me to point number 2.

• 2) Hate the University of Michigan

  Do it passionately and for no reason. Have an inexplainable obsession with that particular school. Have they done anything to us? Not particularly. They did win a close game against us with some blown calls six years ago. But if you’re a current Illinois student there’s a good chance you don’t remember that.

  Does your strange obsession with Michigan play into whatever sense of superiority they might have? Probably.

• 3) Intimidate the other team

  Should you threaten their fans? No, they might retaliate. What about the football players? No, they won’t retaliate, but they do look mean and scary. Wait, I know … lets throw things at their marching band. That’ll teach ’em.

• 4) Join Orange Krush

  Orange Krush is the renowned student cheering section for Illini basketball. Their claim to fame is that they raise a ton of money for charity, which I applaud.

  The way it works is that to join Orange Krush, one must convince sponsors to pledge a money for each three-pointer that Illinois makes during the coming season. If you raise a certain amount of money, you get to sit courtside for Illini basketball games.

  As Illini basketball has gotten more popular recently, Orange Krush has gotten much of the credit for the rabid following of Illini basketball (although they account for roughly 25% of student season ticket holders).

  Of course, most Orange Krush members don’t actually go around raising money for charity — they simply pay the cost out-of-pocket. So really, Orange Krush is a bunch of kids who paid extra money for their basketball tickets.

  And don’t get me started about the college basketball commentators who laud them for being “loud, but respectful.” I know of multiple Krush members who proudly brag about getting opposing players’ parents so angry that they were ready to fight them. Then there are the Orange Krush members who go on Illini road trips and come back boasting of getting oppoing fans to flip them off (sometimes, even bringing pictures).

• 5) Use as many profanities as possible in your chants

  Those four letter words are really scary. I know I pee in my pants just hearing them

• 6) Start fights with your own fans

  Personal experience. I was at an Illini football game when the guy sitting next to me had a brilliant idea. We should all yell “F*** (the other school’s name)” really loud (see point #5). I politely declined and was informed that I wasn’t a real Illini fan. Then at halftime when I wanted to sit down in my own seat and asked him to move over, that added to his anger. The final straw was when the opposing team’s marching band played at halftime and I had the gall to … clap for them (see point #3).

  For the second half of the game, he proceeded to berate me and politely teach me about football. He brought up many interesting things that I didn’t know, such as: The Illini are the Orange and Blue team, Bruce Weber is our basketball coach, and it’s good when we win. He also accused me of being A) homosexual and B) a student of parkland college (a junior college in Champaign, IL). Then he asked me if they actually taught us anything at Parkland (see point #1).

  At one point he turned to his friend and commented that the game sucked. When the friend countered with the fact that it was 14-10 in the 3rd quarter, our good friend commented that he wasn’t even paying attention to the game and that he was too busy hating the guy in front of him (me). There’s a true Illini fan for you.

  This individual happened to be wearing an Orange Krush headband. Go figure.

  As I left the stadium that day, he followed me out, yelling “Go home!” and refering to me as a colloquial term for the female genitalia.

I’ve been an Illini fan for 9 years now. I’ve been to over 40 football games in that time. In 5 of those nine seasons we’ve failed to win 4 football games. I went to Illini basketball games at a time when you could buy season tickets and get placed in the B-section. For a team that’s lost only 4 home basketball games in the past seven years, we actually lost a home game to Geroge Washington University that year.

Yet today, I am embarassed to be an Illini fan. Not because of our football team, but because of the idiots watching them; we are the most classless fans in the Big Ten.

I’ve been to Illini games in W. Lafayette, IN, Ann Arbor, MI, E. Lansing, MI, Columbus, OH, and Bloomington, IN. And I’ve had the worst fan experiences in good ole Champaign, IL

Be loud, be proud, and when the whistle blows, shut the hell up and remember that you’re there to watch the game and no matter what anybody tells you, you’re not a part of it.